Happy birthday, Charlie Dickens
Posted by Jeff on Feb 5th, 2012 in News | 0 commentsIn case you haven’t heard, this coming Tuesday is the two-hundredth anniversary of the birth of the great Victorian novelist Charles Dickens.
I suggest you celebrate by reading Great Expectations, one of the best damn novels ever written. David Copperfield is also really good, as is the first half of Oliver Twist. But if you’re one of those people who refuse to read Dickens because your Grade 11 teacher forced you to read A Tale of Two Cities in less than a week, or because you think anything written before Hemingway is “like, OMG, like, totally lame-o and gay, dood”, then I would suggest you read John Irving’s brilliant 1986 essay, “The King of the Novel” – a passionate, heartfelt defense not only of Dickens but of any writer who has ever had anything worth saying about society and human nature. It’s in Irving’s short-story collection, Trying to Save Piggy Sneed. Go ahead. I’ll wait.
Or, if you just don’t like reading, then watch David Lean’s movie adaptations from the 1940s. Drink a shot whenever you see antisemitism.
I’ll do my part for Dickens’ birthday on February 19, when I feature once again at Storytelling at Caplansky’s. By request of the host, Marilla Wex (who designed this website, and may even be reading this right now – Hi, Marilla! *waves*), I’ll memorize my infamous Dickens parody, “Little Nell”, and perform it there. Warning: It contains graphic violence, long book titles and a spectacularly inept cockney accent.
But why am I going on about Dickens? This website isn’t about him. It’s about me, me, me!
Three nights before Caplansky’s, I’m performing at Launchpad Comedy, a night of yuks hosted by my friend Magdelena. I’ll be the sole comical poet surrounded by a roomful of legit comedians. Wish me luck.
But the big show is on the afternoon of Sunday, February 26. That’s when my Second City writing class presents Of Vice and Men, a one-hour, Second City-style revue on the Mainstage, featuring real, semi-professional actors performing our words. (We’ll be in the show too, briefly, in the opening sketch.) I’ve contributed scenes lampooning the CN Tower Edgewalk, kindergarten classes, old-timey movie producers and more.
Here’s the Facebook event page. If you can’t make the 26th, though, there are also small “work in progress” presentations you can see on the 12th and 19th. (There was one yesterday, too, but you can only catch that one with a Tardis or a DeLorean.)
Info on all of the above events on the right sidebar.
What a world of gammon and spinach it is, though, ain’t it?
Only 100 years until the Temples of Syrinx are torn down.
Posted by Jeff on Jan 7th, 2012 in News | 0 commentsHey man.
I’m gonna keep this one short, because I’ve got other stuff to do.
So if you’re one of those people who doesn’t like these blog posts but reads them anyway, this one will save you a little suffering. If you love these blog posts, well, tough.
This Thursday the 12th, I’m featuring at “The Beautiful and the Damned”, a monthly poetry and music series run by everybody’s favourite She Bytch, Carolina Smart. Also featuring is the hilarious local poet David Clink, and the musical feature will be either Arlene Paculan or Charnie Guettel. Hosting is Rex Baunsit.
Wanna see the poster, which misspells my name?
Wanna see the other one?
I hope you enjoy this night of poetry and. If you want to RSVP on the Facebook page, here it is.
I’m also having another one of my comedy scenes read aloud at the John Candy Box Theatre this month. It’s supposed to be on the 25th… but they may change it. It may be the 18th. I can’t tell you yet. Check the right sidebar for any updates. (Why should I have to do everything, huh? Huh?)
And now, for reasons only known to myself, I shall poke your tum-tum.
Remember, remember, my gigs in December.
Posted by Jeff on Dec 3rd, 2011 in News | 0 commentsAll right, Sparky. I’ve got a lot to update about this time, so let’s get to it. Like Foster Hewitt, when he’s gonna do it. To a freakin’ Jesuit.
Didn’t know I could MC, could ya? Yo.
Before I get into the events, though… I’ve been making little appearances on the ol’ Interwebs.
Like, remember back in October, when I did that reading via Skype, broadcast live to an audience in Sheffield, England from the comfort of my own modest little East York apartment? Well, the other end got posted on YouTube:
Unfortunately, and true to Skype, the screen was frozen half the time. So they saw me caught in suspended animation with a goofy expression on my face. But they could hear. So can you.
And I obviously didn’t make a total fool of myself, because I later got a complimentary mention in this blog review of the show by Rob Hindle.
Did you manage to get out to my chapbook launch last Sunday? No? Well, never fear. All is not lost. Because you can still see it – and read about it – courtesy of this nice little ol’ writeup about the show by Jason Darrick, on Dreadful Tales. The article features a video of me performing a scene from my one-man show, Grouch on a Couch:
Speaking of Grouch on video… I do have a video of one of the performances. (It was the least-attended one, and it had some stupid technical glitches, but that’s better than nothing.) One of these days, it’s gonna get posted online, and then, if you never got to see it live, you can finally see it in the comfort of your own home. Huzzah.
* * * * *
Okay. Now to the events.
Remember in my last post, when I said I was doing another sketch reading at the Second City Training Centre on November 30, and then it got bumped to December 7? Well… this Wednesday is December 7.
So if you come to the John Candy Box Theatre on Wednesday night, you can hear my comedy scene “The Interpreter” read aloud by actors. Like, real actors. Not a goddamn phony like me. Do come out and laugh heartily, my friends.
On the 11th, I’m making my fourth – yes, fourth – feature appearance this year at Storytelling at Caplansky’s, hosted by the creator of this website wot you are reading now, Marilla Wex. Rumour has it that I’ll be revealing the story behind the inspiration behind my old piece, “He Reads Michael Ondaatje”. Or maybe not. I haven’t really decided yet. Go and see for yourself.
And then, on the 15th, catch me at the fifth annual Hot-Sauced Words Anti-Pageant Show, along with Kirsten Sandwich, Nicki Ward, Sue Reynolds, Tuesday’s Children and Kate Marshall Flaherty. Plus an extended open mic.
More details on the right sidebar. But you knew that.
Happy New Year. It may be the last. If the Mayan prophecy is wrong, we have only a hundred years to go before the Rush one.
Burn, effigy, burn. Effigy inferno.
Posted by Jeff on Nov 13th, 2011 in News | 0 commentsI’ve got a dead horse to beat.
Sure, there must be dozens of practical uses for dead horses. You can boil them into glue, you can cook them into horse meat, you can radish them into horseradish. You can scatter them all over a field and film them for a post-battlefield scene in that big American Civil War movie you’re directing. And so on. Yet so many of us keep insisting on beating dead horses anyway. Which, I suppose, is much better than beating live horses.
So, like I said, I’ve got a dead horse to beat. This horse is called Grouch on a Couch. Remember? That Fringe show I did, the one that you probably didn’t go see? Well, you may have heard, it’s now a chapbook.
I launched the book unofficially at the Word On The Street book fair back in September. Two months later, it’s going to get an official launch party at our old friend, the Black Swan – along with two new horror-fiction chapbooks from Burning Effigy Press: Black-Eyed Kids, the latest installment of the Felix Renn/Black Lands stories, by Ian Rogers; and Vanishing Hope by Tobin Elliott.
November 27. Black Swan. More deets on the right sidebar.
And please visit Burning Effigy’s website for more info on its publications.
[EDIT: The Second City class reading was moved to December 7. So I'll be mentioning it in the December post instead. Got a problem widdat? Huh? Good.]
Happy Boxing Day. Go punch somebody in the nose or something.
(No horses were killed in the writing of this entry. Unless you count Maisie, but she had it coming.)
Excuse me while I kiss the Skype.
Posted by Jeff on Oct 23rd, 2011 in News | 0 commentsI swear, my posts on this site are not becoming a semi-monthly event. They’re not. At least not on purpose.
I intend to do this only monthly, if even that, but sometimes, things just pop up at the last fortnight. And I feel obligated to inform all those wonderful people out there in the dark when things come up.
Assuming there are wonderful people out there in the dark reading this website. Hello? Helloooo… I can’t tell, because it’s dark out there.
So what’s woken me up and shaken me out of the inactivity mattress this time? (Other than inspirations for crappy metaphors?)
Well: This Saturday, the 29th, I’m going to give a brief reading all the way over in Sheffield, England.
And I’m going to do it without leaving Canada. In fact – I’m going to do it without leaving the comfort of my bedroom desk chair.
“But Jeff,” you say, disbelieving, slapping your hand dramatically on the side of your face with a puzzled, skeptical expression, “how is that possible? Why, the laws of physics don’t account for such nonsense and foofooraw! How dare you attempt to manipulate my trust in you with such a grand and absurd falsity. Explain yourself at once, good sir, or I shall be forced to roll my eyes in your direction and say unflattering things about you to the vicious circle.”
And I say: Via Skype.
Yes, Skype. Remember on The Jetsons, in 2001: A Space Odyssey, even on Pee Wee’s Playhouse, how people talked on video-phones, on which they could see each other’s faces on a screen? Skype is sorta like that. Except that it happens over the Internet. We’re in the future now, space clown.
So if you know anybody in the vicinity of Sheffield, you tell ‘em to go to Showroom 5 this Saturday night (afternoon for me) to see Skype Me! Sheffield and the World, featuring poets both local (live in person) and from elsewhere (broadcast live via Skype).
Such writers will include Thom the World Poet (Texas), Liesl Jobson and Tanya Chan-Sam (South Africa), Miwa Kurihara (Japan), an International Mystery Guest, and more from Spain, India, Singapore and elsewhere. U.K. scribes present at the actual event will include Rob Hindle, Chella Quint, Gaby Bila-Günther, Kenneth Penfold, Joe Kriss and Liz Cashdan.
And for those who won’t be in Sheffield that night (I’m guessing, about six billion of you), the show will probably be posted on YouTube at some point in the future. Rock on, technology.
Happy Halloween. Befriend two zombies.