Dashing through the snow. In a beat-up Chevrolet.

It’s late, and I’m tired, and I can’t think of anything funny or topical to say. Or even inoffensively quirky. Unless you thought that last bit was funny or inoffensively quirky. I didn’t. But I’m just gonna go straight into it and tell you about the two little giggies I have in the coming two weeks:

1) Sharilyn’s Nepotism & Blackmail Stand-up Extravaganza!
This show will be so exciting, why, they had to add an exclamation mark.

Here, I’ll be the sole spoken-word purveyor in a room full of stand-up comics. I’ll do a short set, and the evening will also feature Magdalena, Adam Susser, Catherine McCormick, Amber Harper-Young, Daniela Saioni and Bob Smith. (No, not the guy from the Cure.) It’s at the Crown & Tiger this Tuesday night.

2) Hot Sauced Words Annual Seasonal Anti-Pageant Show
Every year, Hot Sauced Words at the Black Swan subverts the traditional values of our established society with a holiday show that opposes pageants. What bold rebels they be.

On the sixteenth, look for me reading a few pieces alongside the likes of Kirsten Sandwich, Edward Nixon, Kate Marshall Flaherty, Sue Reynolds, Rob Welch, Elves and others. (Yes, it appears there will be elves.)

For further details on these shows, move your mouse over the listings under “upcoming events” on the right side. I mean, really, do I have to do everything around here?

Happy holidays. War is over. Eat turkey and chocolate. Shoot your eye out. Jump in the river to save George. Forgive a pig-headed old fool. You know the drill, Spanky.