Spider-Verse. Spider-Verse. Movie that could have been much worse.

Posted by Jeff on May 4th, 2019 in News | 0 comments

Does it star
Tobey in tights?
No it don’t
‘Cause he bites.
Hey there, I saw the Spider-Verse…

“Stop that, lad. You’re not gonna do a song while I’m here.”

Well.
The only reason I’m here is to let you know that there’s another Ad Lib Talent Show coming up at the Arts and Letters Club in a couple of weeks. Check the right sidebar for deets.

And the only reason I led off with a silly Spider-Man song is because I’m very likely bringing back an old short story from the dead — “How I Freaked Out the Spider-Man Guy”. It’s a fifteen-year-old story (published in my 2007 chapbook Guilt Pasta) that I still think is funny. What with everybody so obsessed with the Marvel Cinematic Universe these days, it’s a wonder I haven’t resuscitated this story sooner.
Of course, Broken Pencil loathed Guilt Pasta and everything in it, stating in its review that I don’t “even know what fiction is.” So perhaps I’m in error in calling it a short story. Maybe it’s a waffle. Or a beagle’s nostril.

Also, if you want to read a few recent stage reviews I’ve done for Digital Journal, here they are.
I’ve been phoning in my reviews lately, due to lack of time, but you may still enjoy them, and I expect to get paid a few dollars for them. (Literally, a few dollars.)

Now, doggies.

Happy Cinco de Cuatro, meine Liebchen.

Two videos and a poster. (No wedding, no funeral.)

Posted by Jeff on Mar 5th, 2019 in News | 0 comments

Hi.

I’m gonna make this one quick, because I’m tired.

First, I’m performing at this on Sunday:

If you’re on the Facebook, you can see the event page at this link.

Second, I’m in a couple of recent videos. Videos!

As I mentioned in my last post, I did an interview on The Artis with Ivy Reiss back on January 25. It was posted online. So far, almost all the feedback has been good. Which means I probably wasn’t controversial enough. Watch the video below:

And I also had a small role as an evil, scary clown in the new Kraken Not Stirred video, “Time Loop Episode”, which was released today:

Cut. Print. Bye.

I’m going to be on the television. Well, sort of.

Posted by Jeff on Jan 20th, 2019 in News | 0 comments

I’m back.

“But Jeff! You just posted here a few weeks ago. I don’t know if I can keep up with these inane ramblings of yours. Slow down and read a book.”

Well, okay. But first I have a little update…

Remember in my overlong and over-reflective January 1 post, when I said I was going to be interviewed on TV in March? Online TV, that is.
Well, that got bumped up to this month. Specifically, this Friday.

Tune in to ThatChannel.com this Friday, January 25 at 1:00 p.m. EST (6:00 p.m. if any U.K. friends/acquaintances are interested) to see me on The Artis with Ivy Reiss. I think I’m actually going to be on around 1:30.

The topic we are planning to discuss:
“Is Nuance Dead… in the Age of Outrage?”

That’s right. Consider that a trigger warning. I may be saying some rather controversial and politically incorrect things. You will probably get angry. Well, angrier than usual.

To see past interviews Ivy has conducted on the show, with other Toronto-area artists, click here.

Also, catch me at the Arts & Letters Club in the evening of the same day. Already covered that in my last post.

And now, sit back and bask in the greatest musical score ever contributed to a TV cartoon. Well, maybe second-greatest, after the first two Charlie Brown specials.

Aloha, fellow babies.

Mad Libs About You

Posted by Jeff on Jan 1st, 2019 in News | 0 comments

Welcome to 2019.
Among other things, this year is the fiftieth anniversary of the moon landing, the fiftieth anniversary of Woodstock, and the thirtieth anniversary of Return of the Swamp Thing. Take your pick.

We’re supposed to get all self-reflective and humble this time of year, making resolutions for the coming twelve months. Resolutions we intend to keep, but rarely do when reality sets in.
If I am to make a resolution, it’s to write a lot more. Yes, I already write a lot, but I’m not counting what I do for my current day job, which involves little if any true creativity. I mean I need to use this year to push myself to start and work on another overdue big writing project. Hopefully one that won’t turn out as awful as Grouch on a Couch, anyway.

I’ve wanted to write and publish a novel (or at least a decent novella) since I was about eight years old and lost in the worlds of Roald Dahl and Judy Blume and Pippi Longstocking and so on. I wanted to do that too. I probably could have done it fifteen or twenty years ago, if I hadn’t been discouraged by bad writing workshops that tried to turn me into something I wasn’t, and then virtually kicked me in the face when I couldn’t conform. I might have even done it since then if life hadn’t gotten in the way constantly. Instead, I’ve been writing and performing comedic prose poems (and trying to make a living from journalism and editing) while others around me have found the time and motivation to write and publish novels and other kinds of proper full-length books. It doesn’t seem right that I’m still not part of that club, even as a doorman. At least, not when it’s what I wanted to do all along.

I don’t make New Year’s resolutions, but if I have one for 2019, it’s to create something. Even a bad first draft can become a passable second draft, surely? Even if I have to spend a metric busload of money on writing classes just to motivate myself with assignments and deadlines, something has to give.

This need is why I’ve been in a transition phase over the past year – trying to switch my focus from spoken word to fiction. I’m not quitting spoken-word performance. If somebody offers me a local gig, I’ll take it. But I’m not actively pursuing it anymore – not pining for ideas for new material, nor haunting open mics. While I know I’ll never be one of the cool kids of the community (I’m never going to get the respect of a Koyczan or a McGee), I don’t feel like I have anything left to prove either.
(I’m also turned off by some of the gossip that’s been going on in the local poetry community, but that’s another story)

I am through with the U.K. touring, though.
This is something I’d already semi-secretly decided before I went on my last trip there in late October/early November. This trip had seemed like a much better idea when I’d planned it last January or February. And the three gigs I did went very well, as did a few open mics, and it was great to see a handful of friends I don’t get to see often. But although it’s the closest I get to feeling like a real literary success, it makes my credit cards very sad, and it’s stressful, and there are lots of other cities and places in the world I haven’t been to yet.

I actually seriously considered relocating to London about ten years ago, if mostly in my imagination. I was so excited by how broad and diverse the U.K. poetry and spoken-word community was, and I liked the friends I’d made there, and I’ve always loved certain aspects of British culture – the unsentimental wit, the innovative rock music, the gloomy sense of humour. For years, I’ve thought of London as a second home, even though I’ve never lived there. But being back there this November made me realize that I can live without it, too. Sometimes I even found myself wondering why I kept coming.

Of course I’ll miss it. I’ll miss the way St. Paul’s Cathedral looks like an oil painting of itself from the south bank of the Thames. I’ll miss wandering historical districts and imagining people in period garb walking those same streets centuries ago. I’ll miss Walkers crisps and large bottles of cider and buying pre-made sandwiches in the train shops on long journeys. I’ll miss seeing some of the best theatre productions in the world. I’ll miss an underground transit system that actually works most of the time – and riding in the front seat of the second storey of a double-decker bus and feeling as if I’m flying. I’ll miss the accents, and the ability to charm strangers with my own. But I know I can live without them.

*****

Well. Enough of diversions. Here’s the point.

As I said, I’m still accepting performance gigs when/if they come up. (One reason is that I still have a third of a box of This Album Is NIT FENNY! copies to get rid of.) One that I’ve accepted is the Ad Lib Talent Show on the 25th. Yes, my friend Damon Lum likes to celebrate his birthday by inviting all his buddies to get together and perform in a show. I may read a short story. Or I may stick to the old material. Or a little from column A and a little from column B. To find out, show up. Ring the bell to get in and then proceed to the third-floor studio. Details on the right sidebar.

Also, it looks like I’m going to be interviewed on TV in March. Online TV, that is. Stay tuned.

My Digital Journal output has been thin lately, but I did give a decidedly mixed review to this year’s Second City holiday revue. Click here to read the thing.

And now, here’s what Bosko has to say about Doug Ford.

We wish you a Merry Fitness and a Happy New You.

Conjiction jiction, what’s your fiction?

Posted by Jeff on Sep 1st, 2018 in News | 0 comments

Time flies when you’re not accomplishing much, huh?

It’s been nearly five months since I posted on this thing. In that time, I’ve been focusing less on spoken word; I don’t have much new material, and I’ve been frequenting few open mics. That’s not to say I haven’t been writing. On the contrary – my day job involves almost nothing but writing, and I still poison the Internet with the occasional amateurish theatre review.

So what have I been doing lately? I’ve been focusing more on fiction. Short stories. Some of them silly, and some of them slightly less so. I took a couple of classes that were very encouraging, and they got me writing fiction again. At least, for the time being. I’ve been slacking off for the last few weeks, after the second class ended and work and other responsibilities began piling up. I’m hoping to pick that up again this long weekend, although I’m not ready to try the three-day-novel contest.

Perhaps I’ll read one of my shorter stories this Tuesday. Speaking of which…

On Tuesday, I’ll be featuring at Wild Writers, along with Bänoo Zan.
This will be a fun evening of poetry, prose, spoken word, beer… and free snacks! Host Georgia Wilder always has free munchies available – usually nachos, some kind of dippable vegetable, and occasionally even sushi. You may not even need to get dinner.

So expect a twenty-five-minute set from me, and bring a poem or two to perform on the open mic. More details on the right sidebar. Join the Facebook event page here.

In the meantime… you can check out a few more of my amateurish theatre reviews at this link.
Scroll down a bit and you can see the tribute I wrote about Superman: The Movie back in April. Then come back and yell at me for my lack of wokeness in not appreciating Black Panther and Wonder Woman enough.

And now, just for kicks…
here’s the best BAFTA moment ever.

Back to school, you mangy little brats.