Could it be? Yes, it could. Something’s coming, something good…

Posted by Jeff on Mar 1st, 2015 in News | 0 comments

Hey, gang.

My new CD, This Album is NIT FENNY!, is now available.

Remember last month, when I told you there was going to be a launch party for the album, with lots of cool opening performers? You didn’t think I was lying to you about that, did you? You know I’d never lie to you.

And so the launch is on, baby.
It’s happening on April 2, at the Black Swan Tavern. There’ll be swell opening acts by musicians Kirsten Sandwich, Kari Maaren and Kraken Not Stirred; poet Cynthia Gould; novelist Timothy Carter; and probably some kind of comedy act, TBA. (I’ve heard some fantastic things about TBA. They have fake projectile vomit and everything. Make sure you get seats in the splatter zone.)

Are you on the Facebook? If so, you can RSVP on this event page.

Other than that, I’m still writing lots of articles.

Do you have kidlets? Want to keep them from getting bored over March Break? I have new two pieces on Toronto.com about local playgrounds – both indoor and outdoor.

Also have two new articles on Digital Journal, one a positive review of Cannibal! The Musical (which is still running for another week) and one an informal essay on why The Breakfast Club kind of sucks and Rebel without a Cause holds up better despite being twice its age.

Get with the clicking, buster.

Don’t make me tap the sign.

An announcementoid.

Posted by Jeff on Feb 2nd, 2015 in News | 0 comments

Are you ready? Are you ready for this? Are you hanging on the edge of your seat?

Here’s a thing that’s coming soon:

This will be out sometime before May. Still negotiating and arranging all the things and stuff. There will be a launch party at some point, of course, with lots of cool performers. And yes, the album will include the notorious “How to Become a Deranged Leftist Reactionary”.

While you wait for that, you can see me perform at Habits Gastropub in the west end on February the 19th. Lizzie Violet is hosting, Lauren Stewart and Alyestal Hamilton are the other features and there will be an open mic too. You should go. You will be temporarily happy.

Want to read my recent review of Sharr White’s The Other Place, which is being staged at the St. Lawrence Centre? Click here.

Want to read my recent Toronto.com article about unconventional ways to stay fit in this city? Then click here. You can do it. I believe in you.

That’s all for now. Happy Groundhog Day. I like you.

We wish you a merry fitness / And a happy new YOU!

Posted by Jeff on Jan 4th, 2015 in News | 0 comments

2014 is over. It is now 2015.

It was a year of stuff and things. It was a year when we lost some talented folks too soon, including Robin Williams and Philip Seymour Hoffman and Nik Beat. It was a year when liking a Woody Allen movie became a virtual hate crime. It was a year when bad people killed other people and stuff blew up, which happens every year anyway. It was a year that included the hundredth anniversary of World War I and the seventy-fifth anniversary of World War II, but hardly anybody noticed.

It was also a year when I somehow managed to remain employed full-time for the entire twelve months, and when I also wrote a lot of other stuff online. I went to New York City twice, and I attended tapings of both The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, saw Chris O’Dowd and James Franco act on Broadway and even got Bryan Cranston’s autograph. I even did karaoke in Montreal a couple of times, goddamn it. I played lots of board games, ate too much pasta and drank too much cider.

How is 2015 going to be any different, you ask? Okay, you didn’t ask, but tough. How?

Because I’m about to release a new album.

My third spoken-word album (not a physical CD this time, but a download card from the Internet) is going to be titled This Album is NIT FENNY. For those whose jaws are now hanging in lost, distressed bafflement, “nit fenny” is stuck-up-reactionary-college-student-ese for “not funny”. To demonstrate, say the title out loud in a whiny voice with your teeth clenched.

The album will be funny, of course. At least I think so. The usual suspects won’t. Hence the title.

But before the new album comes out (sometime before May, I anticipate), there’s one thing happening that also happened in 2014. And that thing is this: I’m featuring at Outrageous, at the Central, once again.

Hosted by the unbearably sexy Elizabeth Burns and attended by some loud, crazy kids who don’t like the quiet reverence of conventional poetry readings nor the militant political correctness of the slam scene, Outrageous is Toronto’s most out-RAAAAAY-jus spoken-word show. I’m there near the end of this month; look for me doing some of my more irreverent material.

And I’ll be doing other gigs later on. Not all of them local. Check the right sidebar yourself, because I can’t do everything for you, now, can I?

I’ve written some new reviews and op-ed pieces for Digital Journal too, so make with the clicky and have a good read.

Eat your fish heads. They’re good for you, Shorty.

Here’s a doggy.

Welcome to the title of U2’s second album

Posted by Jeff on Oct 3rd, 2014 in News | 0 comments

And welcome to fall. It’s pretty warm for the beginning of October so far. Climate change, man. Get with the thing and whatnot.

I have only one spoken-word gig this month, and it’s a small one. I’m reading my story “Nick Bland, in: Da Screwy Dame” at Hot Sauced Words: Poetry Noir, which is a special film noir-themed edition of the series. The story, and other readings, will be intros to some of James Dewar’s famous Poetry Theme Challenges (I would guess the theme for mine will be femme fatales).

The night is hosted by Romeo Satin and features the Satinettes.
Speaking of whom… why does Pelayo Matute always disappear every time Romeo’s in the room? It’s very odd. I’ve been trying to get a photo of them together for years, but it never gels. It’s like that Superman/Clark Kent thing. Could it be… No. No, it couldn’t. Pelayo doesn’t have a moustache.

I suppose I should give a Trigger Warning for this story. So:
Trigger Warning: “Da Screwy Dame” includes mild 1940s-style misogyny. Also a scene in which a cat gets threatened with pistol-whipping. Oops, just spoiled one of the jokes.

Halloween is coming up. Do you like scary things? Do you? Then read my new Toronto.com article, “Haunted Places in Toronto”. I also did a recent one about corn mazes in the Greater Toronto Area. And check out Digital Journal for some recent theatre reviews.

Stay classy, Biff.

Happy Civic Holiday, George Bailey!

Posted by Jeff on Aug 4th, 2014 in News | 0 comments

I hope the Civic Holiday Gnome left some civics in your panties this morning, buster.

I only have one feature gig on the horizon this month. But that’s fine, because it’s going to be…

OOOOUUUTTTTTT – RAAAAAAAAAAY – GEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s how you’re supposed to say it.

Yes, I’m featuring in the infamous Outrageous poetry and music series at the Central in three weeks.
My dear old friend Cynthia Gould, of Some Words Spoken and High Heels Lo Fi fame, is another feature. The show also has Joseph Ianni, Londzo and Open Market, with an open mic, hosted by Elizabeth Burns.

You should go, damn you.

Based on my past attendance at this series, I gather that this is the one show where I get to do all my “offensive” material. The reason I am putting “offensive” in quotation marks is that I don’t really think I’m all that offensive – at least, not in comparison to past acts I’ve seen at Outrageous and some of the stuff we’re seeing on prime-time TV these days – but numerous slam poets and activists I’ve crossed swords with would highly disagree with me.

So I suppose that my Outrageous set should come equipped with a Trigger Warning. So:
Trigger Warning: My feature set at Outrageous will upset you if you do not have a sense of humour.

See you there. Have mercy on the boy.

Happy Canada Day, Moose-Gutting Doug. Molson me an Anne Murray Mountie, willyas?

Posted by Jeff on Jul 1st, 2014 in News | 0 comments

Happy Canada Day.

I thought of writing silly stuff about Canada Day, but the post I did for last year’s was so silly and wonky that there’s no way I can top it. Don’t believe me? Here it is.

Do you like poetry? Do you like comedy?
Then chances are, you’re going to like Cometry Poedy. That’s the poetry-comedy show I’m headlining at the Central (upstairs) next week. You’ll also get to hear sets by Shirley Whalen, Jerms Rebell, Dagmar Morgan, Cheyenne Alvis, Joshua Elijah, Blakc Zeus, Elizabeth Burns and Todd Owen Daniel Downey. Click here for the Facebook event page.

That’s all I got this month in terms of spoken-word gigs.

Journalism-wise, though, I’m still busy these days. Here’s a link to my recent OHS Canada article about how workplace fatalities in British Columbia tend to get off the hook in terms of criminal charges, especially when it comes to exploding sawmills. On Toronto.com, I’ve got new pieces about local dog parks and splash pads. And click here for a couple of new Digital Journal stories.

Now, go and celebrate Canada Day.
I recommend you start off with a few songs:

June is the Junest month, breeding / Beaches full of redheads tanned…

Posted by Jeff on Jun 1st, 2014 in News | 0 comments

It’s June, and it’s my first post since the end of February.
Not only that, but it’s a Sunday afternoon in June. There’s a song in Anne of Green Gables: The Musical that declares that ice cream is wonderful on a Sunday afternoon in June. (Also, do take note that even the most respectable have been known to eat ice cream.) Therefore, I command you to eat ice cream. Right now. As I’m writing this, pipsqueak. Now.

#amitoocanadianforyou

What have I been doing over the past three months? Well, I did a couple of cool features in the States back in April – one in the Village in New York City, the other in Amityville on Long Island. Yes, that Amityville. With the scary house and stuff.
I’ve also continued writing articles and reviews for Toronto.com and Digital Journal. Click on the links in this sentence if you want to find out where to pick berries in the Toronto area, or what I really thought of Robyn Doolittle’s Rob Ford book, or of the book about the making of The Room, or of the movie The Grand Seduction, or of Judith Thompson’s recent solo show.

Or don’t, if you don’t want to. Nobody’s forcing you.

You can also read my recent article about the Lac-Mégantic disaster last year, “Off the Rails”, which was published in March. I interviewed Olivia Chow for it, among other people.

But now it’s June, and that’s all in the past, so let’s focus on what June has in store. And it has stuff in store indeed, it sure does.

First up – next Sunday (another Sunday afternoon in June), I’m embarking to the distant, exotic land known as… Oakville.

That’s right. Oakville has a literary series. Actually, it has more than one, but the one I’m talking about is the Oakville Literary Cafe, in which I’m featuring with fellow Toronto veteran Norm Cristofoli, plus a special featurette by Shelly Sanders and an open mic. Here’s a PDF flyer for the show you can download.

The following Sunday (yet another Sunday afternoon in June), I’m returning to Plasticine Poetry Series at Pauper’s Pub. It’s my fifth Plasticine feature, but it’s also only the second time I’ll have been to the series in the past two years or so, as I’ve been trying to avoid some silly drama. Kate Marshall Flaherty, Jim Johnstone, Sonja Greckol and Marni van Dyk are the other features, and David Bateman hosts. I believe it’s also the last one that Michael Fraser is organizing, before handing the series’ reins to other folks.

And then, on June 24 (a Tuesday, which has nothing to do with Anne of Green Gables as far as I know), I’ll be appearing once again on the CIUT spoken-word radio program HOWL, hosted by Nik Beat. You can listen in online at this link: the show’s on at 10:00 p.m. EST, which is 7:00 p.m. PST or 3:00 a.m. the next morning in England.
Trigger Warning: I’m considering performing “How to Become a Deranged Leftist Reactionary”, a piece I wrote specifically to piss off the slam folks.

That’s all for now. Now get outside and enjoy the lovely day.

What’s the story, Morning Glory? What’s the tale, Cardin… ale?

Posted by Jeff on Feb 28th, 2014 in News | 0 comments

Hey bud. C’mere.

Wanna hear a story? Do ya?

Well, I’ve got a couple of beauties for ya. I can even show ya where to get more.

Because it’s almost March, and I’ve got a couple of storytelling gigs this month. Seems my spoken-word features aren’t exactly drawing the masses these days, so I’m settling for the glamorous, millionaire-making world of storytelling. Maybe I’ll get discovered by some legendary raconteur and thrust into the celebrity spotlight. Only to die two years later from a freak overdose, later to be discovered lying on the bathroom floor with a magic marker stuck in my left nostril. It happens only to the best.

Ga.

First up, I’m doing Storytelling at Caplansky’s yet again. Only this time, it’s a special Storytelling at Caplansky’s. It’s so special that you should be willing to miss the Academy Awards for it. It’s the third-anniversary show, with K. Trevor Wilson, Zebulon Pike and a few other folks. I’ll be regaling the audience with memories of a horrible landlord to whom I like to refer as Canadian Archie Bunker. Stories and smoked meat, punks.

Then, later on, I shall make my debut in the long-ish-running “Tales Of…” series. It’s a popular series that’s found a new home in a snazzy west-end venue with a comedy-club vibe (the brick wall at the back of the stage helps). This month’s edition is Tales of Revenge, and I’m going to tell how I got the bouncer from the old Joker nightclub fired. Don’t worry, the asshat deserved it.

If you’d rather watch the Oscars than go to Caplansky’s on Sunday, well… fine. Just fine, then. But at least promise me you’ll do it based on one of my suggestions – in my latest Toronto.com article, “Where to Watch the Oscars in Toronto”.

See? That way, I still have power over you.

I also reviewed Canadian Stage’s production of Nina Raine’s Tribes, for Digital Journal. It’s still running until this Sunday, so hurry up and read it here.

Happy March. Say hi to the lion.

The Groundhog Has Landed

Posted by Jeff on Feb 10th, 2014 in News | 0 comments

Has it really been more than four months since I updated this silly thing? Have you been enjoying a third of a year whooshing by without any annoying event plugs from me?

Well. No more. I got stuff coming up. The drought is over.

First off, I’m featuring in Looseleaf Poets in Etobicoke later this month. Hosted by the kind and beautiful Jan McIntyre, the show will also feature Howard Isenberg, Claudio Gaudio and Lisa Richter, along with the standard open mic.

Yes, Etobicoke. Rob Ford country.
I’d make a joke about it here, but I have a feeling any joke would have already been done, and more successfully.

(Crack. Ha ha.)

In March, I’ve got a couple of storytelling gigs. But this is a February post, so you shall not be hearing about those here. You greedy fool, you.

Although I haven’t had any gigs in four months, it’s not like I haven’t been doing anything. I got sick (twice), got the flu shot a month too late, had a death in the family and sang some goddamn karaoke. But I also wrote a few more Digital Journal reviews and Op-Eds, and you can click here to read them. I also wrote a few more pieces for Toronto.com, about tobogganing and ice skating. (I also wrote one about stuff to do over the holidays… but they took it down after the holidays were over. Shame you missed it. It referenced David Cronenberg and Evil Dead. Gotta be quicker next time, Sir Slowfindsalot.)

Happy Beatles Day. See you on the other side of the walrus.

Happy Thanksgoween, Charlie Brown.

Posted by Jeff on Oct 3rd, 2013 in News | 0 comments

It’s October. And you know what that means.

Don’t you?

Actually, I don’t either. I was going for style over substance.

If style means attention-grabbing clichés to attract the masses like sheep to my product. If spoken word counts as a product.

Anyway. If you like spoken word, and you like improv too, then make your way to the Arts and Letters Club next Friday the eleventh, as I’m doing yet another poetry set at Jammin’ on the One. It’s a monthly improv jam with two comedic features and short-form games. Come to play, come to watch, it’s all good.

(Why doesn’t the SpellCheck on Microsoft Word like the word “improv”?
Or “SpellCheck”, for that matter?)

Looking for online reading material too?
I provide that as well. Go to Digital Journal and check out two new theatre reviews – of recent Toronto productions of Next to Normal and The Best Brothers. And look out for my review of Canadian Stage’s new production of Venus in Fur, sometime in the next few days.

Now go home and get your shinebox, Tommy.