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Happy Civic Holiday, George Bailey!

Posted by Jeff on Aug 4th, 2014 in News | 0 comments

I hope the Civic Holiday Gnome left some civics in your panties this morning, buster.

I only have one feature gig on the horizon this month. But that’s fine, because it’s going to be…

OOOOUUUTTTTTT – RAAAAAAAAAAY – GEOUS!!!!!!!!!!!!

That’s how you’re supposed to say it.

Yes, I’m featuring in the infamous Outrageous poetry and music series at the Central in three weeks.
My dear old friend Cynthia Gould, of Some Words Spoken and High Heels Lo Fi fame, is another feature. The show also has Joseph Ianni, Londzo and Open Market, with an open mic, hosted by Elizabeth Burns.

You should go, damn you.

Based on my past attendance at this series, I gather that this is the one show where I get to do all my “offensive” material. The reason I am putting “offensive” in quotation marks is that I don’t really think I’m all that offensive – at least, not in comparison to past acts I’ve seen at Outrageous and some of the stuff we’re seeing on prime-time TV these days – but numerous slam poets and activists I’ve crossed swords with would highly disagree with me.

So I suppose that my Outrageous set should come equipped with a Trigger Warning. So:
Trigger Warning: My feature set at Outrageous will upset you if you do not have a sense of humour.

See you there. Have mercy on the boy.

Happy Canada Day, Moose-Gutting Doug. Molson me an Anne Murray Mountie, willyas?

Posted by Jeff on Jul 1st, 2014 in News | 0 comments

Happy Canada Day.

I thought of writing silly stuff about Canada Day, but the post I did for last year’s was so silly and wonky that there’s no way I can top it. Don’t believe me? Here it is.

Do you like poetry? Do you like comedy?
Then chances are, you’re going to like Cometry Poedy. That’s the poetry-comedy show I’m headlining at the Central (upstairs) next week. You’ll also get to hear sets by Shirley Whalen, Jerms Rebell, Dagmar Morgan, Cheyenne Alvis, Joshua Elijah, Blakc Zeus, Elizabeth Burns and Todd Owen Daniel Downey. Click here for the Facebook event page.

That’s all I got this month in terms of spoken-word gigs.

Journalism-wise, though, I’m still busy these days. Here’s a link to my recent OHS Canada article about how workplace fatalities in British Columbia tend to get off the hook in terms of criminal charges, especially when it comes to exploding sawmills. On Toronto.com, I’ve got new pieces about local dog parks and splash pads. And click here for a couple of new Digital Journal stories.

Now, go and celebrate Canada Day.
I recommend you start off with a few songs:

June is the Junest month, breeding / Beaches full of redheads tanned…

Posted by Jeff on Jun 1st, 2014 in News | 0 comments

It’s June, and it’s my first post since the end of February.
Not only that, but it’s a Sunday afternoon in June. There’s a song in Anne of Green Gables: The Musical that declares that ice cream is wonderful on a Sunday afternoon in June. (Also, do take note that even the most respectable have been known to eat ice cream.) Therefore, I command you to eat ice cream. Right now. As I’m writing this, pipsqueak. Now.

#amitoocanadianforyou

What have I been doing over the past three months? Well, I did a couple of cool features in the States back in April – one in the Village in New York City, the other in Amityville on Long Island. Yes, that Amityville. With the scary house and stuff.
I’ve also continued writing articles and reviews for Toronto.com and Digital Journal. Click on the links in this sentence if you want to find out where to pick berries in the Toronto area, or what I really thought of Robyn Doolittle’s Rob Ford book, or of the book about the making of The Room, or of the movie The Grand Seduction, or of Judith Thompson’s recent solo show.

Or don’t, if you don’t want to. Nobody’s forcing you.

You can also read my recent article about the Lac-Mégantic disaster last year, “Off the Rails”, which was published in March. I interviewed Olivia Chow for it, among other people.

But now it’s June, and that’s all in the past, so let’s focus on what June has in store. And it has stuff in store indeed, it sure does.

First up – next Sunday (another Sunday afternoon in June), I’m embarking to the distant, exotic land known as… Oakville.

That’s right. Oakville has a literary series. Actually, it has more than one, but the one I’m talking about is the Oakville Literary Cafe, in which I’m featuring with fellow Toronto veteran Norm Cristofoli, plus a special featurette by Shelly Sanders and an open mic. Here’s a PDF flyer for the show you can download.

The following Sunday (yet another Sunday afternoon in June), I’m returning to Plasticine Poetry Series at Pauper’s Pub. It’s my fifth Plasticine feature, but it’s also only the second time I’ll have been to the series in the past two years or so, as I’ve been trying to avoid some silly drama. Kate Marshall Flaherty, Jim Johnstone, Sonja Greckol and Marni van Dyk are the other features, and David Bateman hosts. I believe it’s also the last one that Michael Fraser is organizing, before handing the series’ reins to other folks.

And then, on June 24 (a Tuesday, which has nothing to do with Anne of Green Gables as far as I know), I’ll be appearing once again on the CIUT spoken-word radio program HOWL, hosted by Nik Beat. You can listen in online at this link: the show’s on at 10:00 p.m. EST, which is 7:00 p.m. PST or 3:00 a.m. the next morning in England.
Trigger Warning: I’m considering performing “How to Become a Deranged Leftist Reactionary”, a piece I wrote specifically to piss off the slam folks.

That’s all for now. Now get outside and enjoy the lovely day.

What’s the story, Morning Glory? What’s the tale, Cardin… ale?

Posted by Jeff on Feb 28th, 2014 in News | 0 comments

Hey bud. C’mere.

Wanna hear a story? Do ya?

Well, I’ve got a couple of beauties for ya. I can even show ya where to get more.

Because it’s almost March, and I’ve got a couple of storytelling gigs this month. Seems my spoken-word features aren’t exactly drawing the masses these days, so I’m settling for the glamorous, millionaire-making world of storytelling. Maybe I’ll get discovered by some legendary raconteur and thrust into the celebrity spotlight. Only to die two years later from a freak overdose, later to be discovered lying on the bathroom floor with a magic marker stuck in my left nostril. It happens only to the best.

Ga.

First up, I’m doing Storytelling at Caplansky’s yet again. Only this time, it’s a special Storytelling at Caplansky’s. It’s so special that you should be willing to miss the Academy Awards for it. It’s the third-anniversary show, with K. Trevor Wilson, Zebulon Pike and a few other folks. I’ll be regaling the audience with memories of a horrible landlord to whom I like to refer as Canadian Archie Bunker. Stories and smoked meat, punks.

Then, later on, I shall make my debut in the long-ish-running “Tales Of…” series. It’s a popular series that’s found a new home in a snazzy west-end venue with a comedy-club vibe (the brick wall at the back of the stage helps). This month’s edition is Tales of Revenge, and I’m going to tell how I got the bouncer from the old Joker nightclub fired. Don’t worry, the asshat deserved it.

If you’d rather watch the Oscars than go to Caplansky’s on Sunday, well… fine. Just fine, then. But at least promise me you’ll do it based on one of my suggestions – in my latest Toronto.com article, “Where to Watch the Oscars in Toronto”.

See? That way, I still have power over you.

I also reviewed Canadian Stage’s production of Nina Raine’s Tribes, for Digital Journal. It’s still running until this Sunday, so hurry up and read it here.

Happy March. Say hi to the lion.

The Groundhog Has Landed

Posted by Jeff on Feb 10th, 2014 in News | 0 comments

Has it really been more than four months since I updated this silly thing? Have you been enjoying a third of a year whooshing by without any annoying event plugs from me?

Well. No more. I got stuff coming up. The drought is over.

First off, I’m featuring in Looseleaf Poets in Etobicoke later this month. Hosted by the kind and beautiful Jan McIntyre, the show will also feature Howard Isenberg, Claudio Gaudio and Lisa Richter, along with the standard open mic.

Yes, Etobicoke. Rob Ford country.
I’d make a joke about it here, but I have a feeling any joke would have already been done, and more successfully.

(Crack. Ha ha.)

In March, I’ve got a couple of storytelling gigs. But this is a February post, so you shall not be hearing about those here. You greedy fool, you.

Although I haven’t had any gigs in four months, it’s not like I haven’t been doing anything. I got sick (twice), got the flu shot a month too late, had a death in the family and sang some goddamn karaoke. But I also wrote a few more Digital Journal reviews and Op-Eds, and you can click here to read them. I also wrote a few more pieces for Toronto.com, about tobogganing and ice skating. (I also wrote one about stuff to do over the holidays… but they took it down after the holidays were over. Shame you missed it. It referenced David Cronenberg and Evil Dead. Gotta be quicker next time, Sir Slowfindsalot.)

Happy Beatles Day. See you on the other side of the walrus.

Happy Thanksgoween, Charlie Brown.

Posted by Jeff on Oct 3rd, 2013 in News | 0 comments

It’s October. And you know what that means.

Don’t you?

Actually, I don’t either. I was going for style over substance.

If style means attention-grabbing clichés to attract the masses like sheep to my product. If spoken word counts as a product.

Anyway. If you like spoken word, and you like improv too, then make your way to the Arts and Letters Club next Friday the eleventh, as I’m doing yet another poetry set at Jammin’ on the One. It’s a monthly improv jam with two comedic features and short-form games. Come to play, come to watch, it’s all good.

(Why doesn’t the SpellCheck on Microsoft Word like the word “improv”?
Or “SpellCheck”, for that matter?)

Looking for online reading material too?
I provide that as well. Go to Digital Journal and check out two new theatre reviews – of recent Toronto productions of Next to Normal and The Best Brothers. And look out for my review of Canadian Stage’s new production of Venus in Fur, sometime in the next few days.

Now go home and get your shinebox, Tommy.

Nothing could ever be more fun than a draiser.

Posted by Jeff on Sep 5th, 2013 in News | 0 comments

UPDATE: In addition to what’s below, I’m also featuring at the Art Bar this Tuesday the 10th. Also featuring are Brandon Williamson and Ivy Reiss. Now read the rest…

Hey kids.

September is going to be a busy month.

But not as busy as October. There’s lots of stuff happening in October. But September’s busy too. I mean, busier than I’ve been on the spoken-word and storytelling front for a long time.

That was rather anticlimactic. Let’s try again.

Hey kids. Do you like fun? Have you declared yourself ideologically and morally in favour of fun times? Is this aforementioned “fun” a concept of which you approve?

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, then get yourself to the Black Swan Tavern on the evening of September 15 – for the KEEP CALM and GET RID OF JEFF Fundraiser!

Because I want to go back to the U.K., to meet up with a few friends and see shows and whatnot. So this is your big chance to help kick me out of the country for eleven days. That’s a worthy cause, right?

We’ll have music by High Heels Lo Fi and Kirsten Sandwich; stand-up comedy by Marilla Wex and Magdalena; spoken word by Dave Silverberg and Mike Bryant; a raffle for great prizes; and Jeez Leweez, we’ve even got ourselves a sponsor: Ganolife coffee. What more could you want, my good man?

Why, there’ll even be a surprise ukulele player. Except that it’s not a surprise anymore, because I just told you. But I don’t even know if anybody reads the blog posts on my website anyway, so maybe it really is a surprise. Well, it’s too late to go back and bugger around with that bit, so let it stand. Damn you.

But the good times end not with the draiser of fun.
The following Friday, you can catch me at Red Rocket Coffee for Makin’ a Racket at the Rocket. I’ll be featuring alongside Kelli Deeth and Pat Connors, with an open mic too. Regardless of the venue name, there will be no TTC streetcars. So you can traverse easily within the café, without ever having to wait for half an hour.

That was a very awkward joke about the TTC and its notorious ineptitude. Waiting! Snicker.

I hear the Toronto Film Festival is in town. That sounds like a perfect excuse to read my new Toronto.com article, “Hollywood North: Toronto Locations Used in Film”. Make with the clickety-clack, Padre.

And look for my review of Lower Ossington Theatre’s production of Next to Normal, on Digital Journal this Saturday.

Now go back to school. There’s a good lad.

The August of Her Soul II: The August of Her Souler

Posted by Jeff on Aug 1st, 2013 in News | 0 comments

How are ya fixed for stories, mac?

I’m doing Storytelling at Caplansky’s again this coming Sunday. It’s the Simcoe Day edition. Also featuring Amy Zuch, Hayley Kellett, Briane Shelly Nasimok and Rick Jones. Hosted by Marilla Wex, the creator of the site what you are reading now.

More stuff coming in September and October.

In the meantime, want to read some more reviews and articles by me?

Here’s some recent stuff on Digital Journal.
Also go to Toronto.com, search “cottrill” and then narrow it down to “Article only”. That’s because I’m too damn lazy to link every separate article here. Earn your salt, boy. And I just started working at OHS Canada, so expect lots of stuff on their site too.

(I typed “dame lazy” by accident there. That sounds like something a scrivener would say in the 1930s, doesn’t it?)

Happy new month. Get a tan. Or don’t. See if I care.

I can still remember when they called it “Dominion Day”.

Posted by Jeff on Jul 1st, 2013 in News | 0 comments

Happy Canada Day, hosers.
This morning, the Canada Day Moose came galloping down my chimbley and left me Crown Royal sacks of Canadian goodies. Maple syrup, milk in plastic bags, Alice Munro books, free health care, loonies and twonies, basketball, Timbits, people named Gord, Joni Mitchell’s Blue and a healthy dose of passive-aggressive politeness. Next year, I’m asking for power.

You may have noticed some changes on my website. Uh… okay, maybe you didn’t notice at all. Maybe you just came straight to this blog entry from the home page without looking at anything else. If you did… congratulations! You found my website. Now please tell other people to come here.

Meanwhile, back on the ranch: I’ve just added three new mp3s to the Spoken Word page: “The Jim Show”, “Iamsooffended?” and the uncensored version of “A Love Letter”. Listen and enjoy. And no, I don’t want to hear any complaints about the hooker line at the end of “A Love Letter”. All you’re doing is announcing to the world that you seriously need to get out more. If “A Love Letter” offends you, then I insist that you immediately listen to “Iamsooffended?”, just to get a sense of what you sound like to me.

Are you in Ottawa? Do you know anybody in Ottawa who likes spoken word and humour?
Because I’m going back there in a few weeks. I’ll be doing my fourth feature at the long-running Dusty Owl reading series. Sharing the stage with me will be Ottawa slam poet Just Jamaal, and there will also be an open mic for poetry and music.

Each time I’ve featured in this series, it’s just moved to a new venue. This time, it’s at the Mugshots pub in the Nicholas Street Jail Hostel. That’s right, Ottawa’s famous haunted hostel. Are you scared yet? Are you scared?

Are you scared?

Boo.

Now you are. Wimp.

Just for fun, here’s OntarioGhosts.org’s page about the hostel and its alleged unearthly residents.

And one more thing before I go: It isn’t just Canada Day today. It’s also the fiftieth anniversary of the day when the Beatles recorded one of their most overrated songs, “She Loves You”, at Abbey Road Studios. And you know what that means: BUG MUSIC.