What’s the story, Morning Glory? What’s the tale, Cardin… ale?

Posted by Jeff on Feb 28th, 2014 in News | 0 comments

Hey bud. C’mere.

Wanna hear a story? Do ya?

Well, I’ve got a couple of beauties for ya. I can even show ya where to get more.

Because it’s almost March, and I’ve got a couple of storytelling gigs this month. Seems my spoken-word features aren’t exactly drawing the masses these days, so I’m settling for the glamorous, millionaire-making world of storytelling. Maybe I’ll get discovered by some legendary raconteur and thrust into the celebrity spotlight. Only to die two years later from a freak overdose, later to be discovered lying on the bathroom floor with a magic marker stuck in my left nostril. It happens only to the best.

Ga.

First up, I’m doing Storytelling at Caplansky’s yet again. Only this time, it’s a special Storytelling at Caplansky’s. It’s so special that you should be willing to miss the Academy Awards for it. It’s the third-anniversary show, with K. Trevor Wilson, Zebulon Pike and a few other folks. I’ll be regaling the audience with memories of a horrible landlord to whom I like to refer as Canadian Archie Bunker. Stories and smoked meat, punks.

Then, later on, I shall make my debut in the long-ish-running “Tales Of…” series. It’s a popular series that’s found a new home in a snazzy west-end venue with a comedy-club vibe (the brick wall at the back of the stage helps). This month’s edition is Tales of Revenge, and I’m going to tell how I got the bouncer from the old Joker nightclub fired. Don’t worry, the asshat deserved it.

If you’d rather watch the Oscars than go to Caplansky’s on Sunday, well… fine. Just fine, then. But at least promise me you’ll do it based on one of my suggestions – in my latest Toronto.com article, “Where to Watch the Oscars in Toronto”.

See? That way, I still have power over you.

I also reviewed Canadian Stage’s production of Nina Raine’s Tribes, for Digital Journal. It’s still running until this Sunday, so hurry up and read it here.

Happy March. Say hi to the lion.

The Groundhog Has Landed

Posted by Jeff on Feb 10th, 2014 in News | 0 comments

Has it really been more than four months since I updated this silly thing? Have you been enjoying a third of a year whooshing by without any annoying event plugs from me?

Well. No more. I got stuff coming up. The drought is over.

First off, I’m featuring in Looseleaf Poets in Etobicoke later this month. Hosted by the kind and beautiful Jan McIntyre, the show will also feature Howard Isenberg, Claudio Gaudio and Lisa Richter, along with the standard open mic.

Yes, Etobicoke. Rob Ford country.
I’d make a joke about it here, but I have a feeling any joke would have already been done, and more successfully.

(Crack. Ha ha.)

In March, I’ve got a couple of storytelling gigs. But this is a February post, so you shall not be hearing about those here. You greedy fool, you.

Although I haven’t had any gigs in four months, it’s not like I haven’t been doing anything. I got sick (twice), got the flu shot a month too late, had a death in the family and sang some goddamn karaoke. But I also wrote a few more Digital Journal reviews and Op-Eds, and you can click here to read them. I also wrote a few more pieces for Toronto.com, about tobogganing and ice skating. (I also wrote one about stuff to do over the holidays… but they took it down after the holidays were over. Shame you missed it. It referenced David Cronenberg and Evil Dead. Gotta be quicker next time, Sir Slowfindsalot.)

Happy Beatles Day. See you on the other side of the walrus.

Happy Thanksgoween, Charlie Brown.

Posted by Jeff on Oct 3rd, 2013 in News | 0 comments

It’s October. And you know what that means.

Don’t you?

Actually, I don’t either. I was going for style over substance.

If style means attention-grabbing clichés to attract the masses like sheep to my product. If spoken word counts as a product.

Anyway. If you like spoken word, and you like improv too, then make your way to the Arts and Letters Club next Friday the eleventh, as I’m doing yet another poetry set at Jammin’ on the One. It’s a monthly improv jam with two comedic features and short-form games. Come to play, come to watch, it’s all good.

(Why doesn’t the SpellCheck on Microsoft Word like the word “improv”?
Or “SpellCheck”, for that matter?)

Looking for online reading material too?
I provide that as well. Go to Digital Journal and check out two new theatre reviews – of recent Toronto productions of Next to Normal and The Best Brothers. And look out for my review of Canadian Stage’s new production of Venus in Fur, sometime in the next few days.

Now go home and get your shinebox, Tommy.

Nothing could ever be more fun than a draiser.

Posted by Jeff on Sep 5th, 2013 in News | 0 comments

UPDATE: In addition to what’s below, I’m also featuring at the Art Bar this Tuesday the 10th. Also featuring are Brandon Williamson and Ivy Reiss. Now read the rest…

Hey kids.

September is going to be a busy month.

But not as busy as October. There’s lots of stuff happening in October. But September’s busy too. I mean, busier than I’ve been on the spoken-word and storytelling front for a long time.

That was rather anticlimactic. Let’s try again.

Hey kids. Do you like fun? Have you declared yourself ideologically and morally in favour of fun times? Is this aforementioned “fun” a concept of which you approve?

If you answered “yes” to any of those questions, then get yourself to the Black Swan Tavern on the evening of September 15 – for the KEEP CALM and GET RID OF JEFF Fundraiser!

Because I want to go back to the U.K., to meet up with a few friends and see shows and whatnot. So this is your big chance to help kick me out of the country for eleven days. That’s a worthy cause, right?

We’ll have music by High Heels Lo Fi and Kirsten Sandwich; stand-up comedy by Marilla Wex and Magdalena; spoken word by Dave Silverberg and Mike Bryant; a raffle for great prizes; and Jeez Leweez, we’ve even got ourselves a sponsor: Ganolife coffee. What more could you want, my good man?

Why, there’ll even be a surprise ukulele player. Except that it’s not a surprise anymore, because I just told you. But I don’t even know if anybody reads the blog posts on my website anyway, so maybe it really is a surprise. Well, it’s too late to go back and bugger around with that bit, so let it stand. Damn you.

But the good times end not with the draiser of fun.
The following Friday, you can catch me at Red Rocket Coffee for Makin’ a Racket at the Rocket. I’ll be featuring alongside Kelli Deeth and Pat Connors, with an open mic too. Regardless of the venue name, there will be no TTC streetcars. So you can traverse easily within the café, without ever having to wait for half an hour.

That was a very awkward joke about the TTC and its notorious ineptitude. Waiting! Snicker.

I hear the Toronto Film Festival is in town. That sounds like a perfect excuse to read my new Toronto.com article, “Hollywood North: Toronto Locations Used in Film”. Make with the clickety-clack, Padre.

And look for my review of Lower Ossington Theatre’s production of Next to Normal, on Digital Journal this Saturday.

Now go back to school. There’s a good lad.

The August of Her Soul II: The August of Her Souler

Posted by Jeff on Aug 1st, 2013 in News | 0 comments

How are ya fixed for stories, mac?

I’m doing Storytelling at Caplansky’s again this coming Sunday. It’s the Simcoe Day edition. Also featuring Amy Zuch, Hayley Kellett, Briane Shelly Nasimok and Rick Jones. Hosted by Marilla Wex, the creator of the site what you are reading now.

More stuff coming in September and October.

In the meantime, want to read some more reviews and articles by me?

Here’s some recent stuff on Digital Journal.
Also go to Toronto.com, search “cottrill” and then narrow it down to “Article only”. That’s because I’m too damn lazy to link every separate article here. Earn your salt, boy. And I just started working at OHS Canada, so expect lots of stuff on their site too.

(I typed “dame lazy” by accident there. That sounds like something a scrivener would say in the 1930s, doesn’t it?)

Happy new month. Get a tan. Or don’t. See if I care.

I can still remember when they called it “Dominion Day”.

Posted by Jeff on Jul 1st, 2013 in News | 0 comments

Happy Canada Day, hosers.
This morning, the Canada Day Moose came galloping down my chimbley and left me Crown Royal sacks of Canadian goodies. Maple syrup, milk in plastic bags, Alice Munro books, free health care, loonies and twonies, basketball, Timbits, people named Gord, Joni Mitchell’s Blue and a healthy dose of passive-aggressive politeness. Next year, I’m asking for power.

You may have noticed some changes on my website. Uh… okay, maybe you didn’t notice at all. Maybe you just came straight to this blog entry from the home page without looking at anything else. If you did… congratulations! You found my website. Now please tell other people to come here.

Meanwhile, back on the ranch: I’ve just added three new mp3s to the Spoken Word page: “The Jim Show”, “Iamsooffended?” and the uncensored version of “A Love Letter”. Listen and enjoy. And no, I don’t want to hear any complaints about the hooker line at the end of “A Love Letter”. All you’re doing is announcing to the world that you seriously need to get out more. If “A Love Letter” offends you, then I insist that you immediately listen to “Iamsooffended?”, just to get a sense of what you sound like to me.

Are you in Ottawa? Do you know anybody in Ottawa who likes spoken word and humour?
Because I’m going back there in a few weeks. I’ll be doing my fourth feature at the long-running Dusty Owl reading series. Sharing the stage with me will be Ottawa slam poet Just Jamaal, and there will also be an open mic for poetry and music.

Each time I’ve featured in this series, it’s just moved to a new venue. This time, it’s at the Mugshots pub in the Nicholas Street Jail Hostel. That’s right, Ottawa’s famous haunted hostel. Are you scared yet? Are you scared?

Are you scared?

Boo.

Now you are. Wimp.

Just for fun, here’s OntarioGhosts.org’s page about the hostel and its alleged unearthly residents.

And one more thing before I go: It isn’t just Canada Day today. It’s also the fiftieth anniversary of the day when the Beatles recorded one of their most overrated songs, “She Loves You”, at Abbey Road Studios. And you know what that means: BUG MUSIC.

Toodles, eh.

Keepin’ it short and sweet this time.

Posted by Jeff on May 6th, 2013 in News | 0 comments

Next gig at Storytelling at Caplansky’s: June 2

New article on Toronto.com: “Toronto’s Tourist Hot Spots”

New stuff on Digital Journal: click here

That’s it for now. Go watch Mad Men.

I was Deep Throat. Actually… no, I wasn’t. April Fool!

Posted by Jeff on Apr 1st, 2013 in News | 0 comments

This Sunday, I’m back at Storytelling at Caplansky’s, also featuring Megan Fraser, Dom Paré and John Hastings, with an open mic, and with author Michael Wex hosting.

Seems like it’s the only performance series of any kind in town that wants to feature me these days. And as long as I get free smoked-meat poutine out of it, I ain’t complaining. No sir, I ai not.

Not that I’m still avoiding all local poetry events. I’ve been out to the occasional one in the last two months – just to listen, not to perform. But as I ranted about a few months ago, in a post on this site that I’m sure almost nobody has read, I’m still a bit uneasy about the Canadian slam community’s tendencies towards humourless PC groupthink, and the witch-hunt mentality that comes out of it. There are times when the slam scene seems like a truly hateful, reactionary community to me, viewing everything in black-and-white, looking for excuses to be outraged and taking everything you say so damn literally. And it’s heartbreaking to see a (former) friend or two being sucked into the indoctrination.

The best way I can think of to sum it all up is: It’s just no fun anymore.

I think my problem is that I see spoken word as an art form, and nobody else does. To most of the slammers, spoken word is either a pulpit or a cult-like form of group therapy. Thing is, if I wanted to preach, I’d become a minister, and if I wanted to lose control of my emotions and revel in everybody’s shared vulnerability, I’d join a support group. I don’t go to literary events for these things. I go out of love of writing and, to a lesser extent, of performing. But while every slam has some variation of the slogan, “The points are not the point, the poetry is the point!”, I don’t think poetry is the point at all. It reminds me of when I co-majored in creative writing at York University and all the instructors and students tried to force me to be a minimalist: just like back then, everybody’s trying to eliminate everything that I find fun and enlightening about writing.

But while I’ve put spoken word aside temporarily, that doesn’t mean I haven’t been writing. On the contrary, I’ve continued to contribute articles to Toronto.com and Digital Journal.

Check out my recent articles for the former: “Toronto’s Best Staycation Destinations” (a guide to 2013 March Break hotel packages, now outdated), “The Best Bookstores in Toronto” (a three-part series), “The Best Spas in Toronto” and “Toronto’s Bookstore Cafes: From Comics to Cappuccinos”. In addition, a series of golf-related stories I wrote for them in 2010 have recently been updated and re-posted for some reason.
And you can read my most recent Digital Journal reviews and stories at this link. My review of the movie Mad Ship got more than two thousand hits in less than twenty-four hours, for no apparent reason. I have no clue what I did right this time (especially since it was a negative review). Maybe it got linked on some Rotten Tomatoes-type site?

That’s it for now. Time to find out if April truly is the cruelest month.

In what specific location may one find the beef, good sir or madam?

Posted by Jeff on Feb 5th, 2013 in News | 0 comments

Hey guys.

Only one person has asked me about it lately, so it’s not like I’m delivering any eagerly anticipated revelations here, but no, I’m not going to be doing another Fringe show this year after all.

Maybe next year, if I haven’t found a secure editorial day job by then.
The reason is, I simply didn’t get picked in any of the lotteries I applied for – not Toronto, Montreal, Edmonton, Winnipeg or Vancouver. The only festival I got accepted in was Saskatoon, and only because it’s first-come-first-serve. As good as I’ve heard the Saskatoon fest is, I don’t see the point of doing all that work and flying all the way out there just for one festival. I felt so swindled (both financially and emotionally) by the end of the Grouch on a Couch experience that now I don’t want to go through it all again unless things have been set up right from the start.

But there’s other stuff.

Like this video of Eric L. Jones interviewing me last May, at a brunch cafe in Harlem. In which I look even more socially uncomfortable than usual.

And I’ve been writing more stuff for Toronto.com and Digital Journal. If you’re a visitor to Toronto and like shopping, check out my picks for the city’s five best malls. My contributions to the site’s new “Neighbourhoods” feature should be online soon, too. And I’ve got new stuff on DJ, although my “Five Most Overrated Movies of 2012” op-ed piece obviously sucks, since it’s my first article on the site that hasn’t received a single “Like”. (Hint, hint.)

And finally, catch me this Sunday in another feature gig at Storytelling at Caplansky’s.
I’m thinking of performing an off-book version of my grown-up fairy tale “Beautiful Swan”, from Guilt Pasta. That means I have five days to get it off-book, though…

Toodles. Don’t forget to write.

Not bloody Martin Smith from Croydon

Posted by Jeff on Jan 3rd, 2013 in News | 0 comments

Welcome to 2013. Make way for the fiftieth anniversaries of Hud, Lester B. Pearson’s election, the Toledo newspaper strike and, of course, Tab.

Wikipedia can be a barrel of willikers sometimes.

This Sunday, I’m back at Storytelling at Caplansky’s, hosted by Marilla Wex.
Then, next Friday, I’m back at Jammin’ on the One, seeing if I can enlighten the improv folks once again with a touch of the spoken word. It’ll be the first time I’ve performed any spoken word onstage since mid-October, when I apparently pissed the world off. Well, more so than usual.

That’s really all I’ve got to say right now.

See you in the funny papers, Nimrod.